Happy mess.

It shouldn't be such a struggle. It seems like that's all it's been.

Last night was tough on me. I doubted me, I doubted him, I doubted us.
The thought of me leaving came right along. It's not that I don't want us, I just don't want the struggle. I don't want the heartache, I don't want the tears, I don't want the arguments.

I don't know what to say
I don't know what to do.
I'm stuck and can't move.
Quicksand.

I feel like I fuck things up.
He feels like he fucks things up.
Where will this lead to if we continue being so goddamn negative?

Last night was ridiculous.
I went out with my friends in hopes that I can be distracted, but I wasn't.
As always, Mr. Jones was being his flirty self.
I received the texts and I replied to them.
Of course, always making a joke of things.
I feel like I did something wrong, though.
The things I found in his phone are the things that he can find in my phone.
Why if we have each other must we look for...whatever it is with someone else?
I, on the other hand, will mention this to him.
Even though I know he will say, "I don't care".



I just want to know for a FACT that everything will be perfect
That him and I will always have an infinite amount of greatness in our path.
Forever.